agnestirrito

"Whatever you think you can do, or believe you can do, begin it, because action has magic, grace, and power in it." Goethe

Sunday’s Song: Adjustments

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We really don’t know what we are doing yet along this road of cancer. It’s a blind walk. We hit some walls. Hard.
I know, though, we are not the first to walk it.
My dad had an inoperable brain tumor.
My mom–multiple myeloma.
Tonight we attended yet another rosary for yet another pancreatic cancer victim.
His six year old grandson, (another cousin), sat in the front pew, a victim of brain cancer.
The treatment is as bad as the disease his mom whispers to me.
She motions toward a wheelchair waiting in the corner.
He is six. Six.
My husband is forty-six.
I repeat that a lot too. Like saying it will make it go away, because it can’t possibly be true.
These are days of waiting, days of prayer.
Days of picturing a positive outcome.
Days of knowing our lives changed in an instant, yet still fighting to preserve what we called normal.
I’m taking notes, dear readers.
My friend Dee Ann met me today. She’s the friend who already knows where we will meet. All we need is a time. We never even say a place. We all need a friend like that, believe me.
I poured out a lot of words. She said I needed to write them down.
I know I do. I know these days are like thickened air, but there are moments of clarity too.
I know things now.
I thought I knew what something like this would feel like. I was wrong.
I’m learning what matters for me: prayer, family, being home, connections with my friends.
I’m learning what means nothing: pettiness, nosiness, immaturity.
The strangest things matter: good pillows, comfortable shoes, coffee in pottery cups. Flowers. Real ones.
It’s a time of nurturing. Each other and ourselves.
It’s a time where explanations are not needed, where people need to practice giving the benefit of the doubt.
It’s the text, the message, the call that says You matter to me. Keep going.

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Author: agnestirrito

I write. Make art. And in between, I do the best I can. ✌🏼️

One thought on “Sunday’s Song: Adjustments

  1. You matter to me. Keep going.

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