The days keep passing. People tell me friends will stop calling, that they’ll get busy and forget. After all, life does go on.
#1 blessing tonight: they have not.
I still receive calls and texts and visits. I’m grateful for the goodness of people.
Grief is complicated. It’s an individual journey. There is no timetable. There is no “right” way.
#2 blessing: I don’t concern myself with what others think. When humans become in charge of numbering my days, I’ll care. I’m doing this the only way I know. Day by day.
That brings me to the gift of time. I need some. Time to get adjusted. To come to terms with the enormity of our loss. Time to settle into a new routine.
#3 blessing: retirement. It was a decision I made unexpectedly, but one that has proven to be a gift in many ways. I’m enjoying the freedom of time to take care of things, to take care of me.
We can’t know the future. After being determined to “stay in the moment” for the past year, I’ve found it’s a pretty good way to live.
#4 blessing: I’m doing what I can do today. Knowing that worry and fear are a waste of time, I try hard to focus on the task at hand. Go from there.
Finally, blessing #5: the gift this week of opportunity.
I’ve had a couple of job offers. Sara and I are planning a May art show. Some volunteer work is also calling my name. So, we’ll see. It’s nice to have options. I’m not rushing to do a thing right now.
Finally, a sixth blessing recently: celebrations. In the midst of grief, March 14, March 23, and April 1 still came rolling in: my Sam’s birthday, Sara’s, then mine. That’s a lot of firsts to acknowledge in quick succession.
But God provided the grace. He always gives us exactly the help we need, even though sometimes it takes a few days to recognize the enormity of that.
I recognize it. I realize it. I’m grateful.