agnestirrito

"Whatever you think you can do, or believe you can do, begin it, because action has magic, grace, and power in it." Goethe


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Sunday’s Song: God, Grief, Grammar, and Grace

It’s been an interesting week, dear readers. If you have experienced grief, you know it has a way of reminding you it’s always there; it never leaves you completely.
You deal with that reality. You accept it on some level. It’s the new normal people talk about. Some people talk about it without having experienced it, though. You really do hear everything.
It becomes tiring.
The fact is: grief reveals truth. There is a transparency about everything that is evident once you experience this loss. You see the liars, the pretenders, the ones who want to help but don’t know how. You see it all. It’s the weirdest thing.
There is still the fog element, where you are between worlds. Where you are sure part of you must exist now…in that other world place…because she is surely gone, the person you once were. She’s not here.
Then when you think you’ve dealt with quite a bit, you get a few more surprises. Really, just annoyances, but I’m going to discuss them.
I am a faithful person and a spiritual one. I do not care to defend my beliefs. They are mine. I know what I believe. I know where I’m going. But I will not stand by when someone posts on a social networking site that “this is serious, people”… and proceeds to tell us all that the deceased are no longer with us. Can’t see us. Can’t hear us. Can’t intercede for us. That anything differing from that view is conversing with demons. I’m sorry. That’s baloney. Or it is to me. And what I think matters, too.
I know very little about a lot of things but I know what my God provides for me to make it through this walk of grief. I’ve walked it several times in 51 years. This time has been the hardest for sure, and no I haven’t had visions or unexplained communication. But some people might! And that is their gift of grace to know. I have had gifts of grace and peace that I understand are from another place.
Then, a few days later I posted an article about grief that helped me. I mentioned that it was one of the better pieces I’ve read on the subject.
Instead of reading the article, someone immediately called me to task for my use of the word “better” instead of “best” … I know.
Both comments came from people I’ve known for a long time. Still, I do not like what they said. And the reality is I don’t have to. They have the freedom to speak and I have the same freedom to reply.
People are people, after all. A lot of us are walking toward a place where I can guarantee you it won’t matter whether we choose the preferred form of an adjective to use. I like to think my better angels are with me anyhow.
And as for those demons some folks are worried that some of us might be conversing with? No worries there either. Better angels to the rescue again.
As an aside: both of the people who wrote these things still have their spouses. That in itself explains quite a lot. And, truly, would either comment have bothered me a year ago? I don’t know. Maybe not. Maybe so.
Sometimes we truly do not know how to act until we’ve been instructed. My prayer is that they can leave this world without learning that lesson. I wouldn’t wish this learning experience on another living soul, regardless of their language use proficiency or their religion.
Good night. God bless.
Dear Lord, Give us all the grace we can handle. Amen.


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Friday’s Five

I didn’t post the past couple of Fridays, but not because there wasn’t anything good to say. On the contrary, I found myself mentally cataloging gift after gift.
I’ve spent some precious time on the beach since the last time I wrote, met some interesting people along the way–in my travels as well as in a new class I’m teaching at the local college, learned a new stitch with my wonderful knitting group, literally stopped to smell some August flowers, and today–I’m taking note of the pumpkin patch that decided to spring to life in the backyard from the jack-o- lantern Sam carved for us last October. Guess those discarded seeds took hold.
Glad for nature and good people and the memories we get to keep.
Whatever is good for you… I hope you are always able to find it.
Blessings and peace.


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Friday’s Five

A review of five of the week’s gifts:

One, quite surprising:
A person from my past crossed my path, found herself telling me all of the drama going on in her life, and then stopped mid sentence to tell me what a good listener I was.
I have to smile at that because even I know nothing could be further from the truth. I have to really work at paying attention. But, maybe God decided to show me it is possible.

My friend D and I are reading One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook. We are off schedule because it’s designed to be read in one month, after all. But we are lenient with one another. I hope we always have a book we are reading together. I highly recommend it as a way of staying connected and honoring the gift of friendship.

Speaking of friendship, my pen pal for forty plus years and I have decided it’s getting time to meet in person. Can you imagine what that will be like? We are proof you can form a precious bond with someone you’ve never met. Our letters are a lifelong diary of sorts. It’s amazing to think we may really meet.

I sat on another friend’s porch this week and learned the process of mosaic work. The result was beautiful, but I was most struck by the fact that several of my friends are artistically gifted and each one of them shares that gift freely. There is a level of self assurance in that, and I like being around it.

Finally, porches and pets. A summer ritual has been spending at least part of each day outside, either noticing nature or feeling the porch tile under my bare feet. The trio of dogs shows up without fail, each one getting her moment of ball throwing, ear scratching, or belly rubbing. I just sit without rushing and realize the gift of that. A swallowtail usually flutters by. Today, a hummingbird made her return visit to the red geranium on the front steps. Peaceful moments. Gifts.
Find yours.
God bless…


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Friday’s Five

Five blessings from the week:

Lunch out with my son today. It is a gift to live to see your children at all ages and stages. He adds a lot to this world.

A wonderful day of laughter with one of my closest friends. We went on a road trip and were laughing before we even turned on the main highway.

My husband’s friends. They call. Text. Check on us. You learn the definition of caring.

Bobbles. It’s a new knit stitch I learned in my class of three. Two other women learn with me and we share a lot of laughs every other week. It was supposed to be every week, but we need more time if you get my drift.
It seems you’ve migrated to knitting continental. When did that happen? asks my knitting instructor. Why, I have no idea. I wake up in a new world every day. :)

Talking to a young (twenty something) quilter at a flea market. She was hand sewing binding on…the part one usually sews with the machine before hand finishing. Something in that gave me a lot of hope. I keep thinking there’s this wonderful resurgence of vintage needle working taking place. Maybe…

And number six because it’s been a very creative week:
A loom is on its way. It’s my next artistic venture. I know… :)
Thankful for the gifts of family, friends, and art. And the Giver.
He’s always with us.


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Saturday’s Snapshot: Sigh.

How can this be a good thing, I ask you.
Well, I channeled my mom who could always find the silver lining in any (underline any) situation.
My daughter stopped for gas here, so she wasn’t stranded on the highway.
This didn’t happen right smack in the middle of all the wedding festivities a week ago today.
We have roadside assistance. ( I highly recommend that for many reasons: competent people come 24/7; it’s inexpensive; you don’t have to bother friends on weekends)
We have another vehicle.
Now, yes, having a vehicle in need of repair sucks. However, there are worse things.
Just another bend in the road of life.

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Friday’s Five

Five good things from the past week, dear readers:
I’m a mom in law!!!!! Whoop!!!!!
Beautiful wedding last Saturday. My goodness, it’s a gift to welcome beautiful Daniela to the family.

Well. This week it looks like every blessing I mention here will be wedding related…

There was a mariachi at the wedding. My gosh. Pure. Joy. Like my best friend said, “If you witness that and can’t smile, you have problems we can’t fix.”

The in- law side is so kind. Daniela’s brother danced with me at the wedding and said, “You have a whole new family now and we have your back.” Well. Precious moment.

Dancing with my son to Rod Stewart’s Forever Young. Yes. That was perfect.

Actually, dancing all night long was perfect. It was a dawn to midnight day of music, laughter, prayer, and joy. A celebration.

We had a memory table at the wedding. My Sam’s picture was there. His dad’s. My mom’s. Daniela’s sister. People who were watching from heaven.
And no, it was not a hard day. It was a day of thankfulness. A day I remembered my own vows. A day I realized we created a son who grew to become a decent and dignified man. And he found a woman who is beautiful in every way. And so I ask you: could you be sad?
And, for those women who might read this and think Hmmph. I don’t get it.
Here’s the secret: decision.
I decided before I had my children or met my future daughter in law, I’d love and accept them. Luckily, they make it easy.
Did I mention I’m a mom in law? Oh, joyful days.


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Blog Birthday

Two years!
Funny how this date sticks in my mind. July 23, 2012: the day I decided to try to blog.
I think back to those days. How I felt a sense of urgency to create something new, yet didn’t know why. Now I know.
All the paths in our lives lead us where we are meant to be.
The best thing I’ve found out about that is that there are angels along the way.
Sometimes they encourage us. Laugh with us. Or at us! Sometimes they help us. Pray for us. Strengthen us.
But they are there, and I have learned to be aware of them.
Some of you have followed me for awhile now; others, just a few days.
I hope you’ll bear with me as I figure our what this year means here.
Something keeps telling me
just write the day you’re in
and I think I may try that for awhile.
Some days that’s a memory day. An art process day. A photography day. Sometimes it’s related to being a widow, a grieving woman. Sometimes it’s just about being human.
I don’t know where it’s all leading, but I know I’m supposed to write until I get there. And make art. And try to be as real as I can.
Life is not a happy place sometimes. But then we can remember: those angels are waiting. They really are.
Don’t let them down.
If you want to start something, start it.
Listen to the whispers of your mind.
You can do anything at all…

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